Back at the beginning.

It has been a long time since my last post. I have been so focused fulfilling my plans of meditating on my lotus pad, learning sanskrit in between juicing and running at any given opportunity that I haven't had time to blog. Ok I am not a convincing liar. I haven't run for over 6 weeks and I am so disappointed and ashamed in myself that I fell so fast for so long. Actually the first 3 weeks I don't regret because a dream opportunity came along for our family that I literally dropped everything to make that dream come true. At the same time my 22 month old demanded to be potty trained and I was so knee deep in pee and poo and laundry that I just plain plumb forgot about all this running stuff.

What my mind forgot my body made sure I remembered; it felt sluggish and soft and very very sorry it had been neglected so badly. Once I came too and noticed how much time had lapsed since my last run I became very fearful. Before I could give reasons why running had to be sacrificed but these reasons morphed into excuses: Too hot. Potty training. Other runners started swarming MY route. Potty training. While I sipped cider. The Canadian summer became a humid, tropical, monsoon soup. It's summer holidays for goodness sake! In between mouthfuls of ice cream. Potty training. My running shoes grew mould in protest. It all became very overwhelming and a bit too hard. I could not be faffed.

Then the Gazelle came back. My little sister who held my hand while I walked ten steps and then ran ten steps last summer, slapped me from my tantrum and in a very adult no nonsense manner simply took me for a run. A run that I had built up in my imagination to be of such horrifying magnitudes that it took the whole 15 minutes to work out that I had run the whole way. Wondering what was all the fuss about? What about the cliché you lose your fitness faster than you gain it? What was I so afraid of? And what a waste of time I spent this summer not running. Haven't I learnt ANYTHNG?

Don't worry my body awoke the morning after the run to remind me of my transgressions. Everything hurt. My ankles, shins, calves, thighs, hamstrings, groin, core muscles, every muscle between my ribs. Even my tongue hurt. How I managed that still has me baffled. Never have I been more sore or sorry in my running. The only remedy for this state is to go for a 5km run which is exactly what I did this morning. Motivation is a muscle that needs to be strengthened.

This is where I find myself, one year on since I started running. Back exactly where I started and it sure looks familiar. Intimidating. Except now I can run and I know that I can do it. Because I have been here before not that long ago.