The Runner that Stood Still.

I have a perfectly good reason at why I have not been writing posts for this running blog; I haven't been running. At first it was just instinct that I should stop running. Something wasn't “quite right.” I saw a doctor, had an x-ray, some tests, saw a specialist and nearly three months later my hunch was right. The official diagnosis is I need to wait another six weeks until I can run again. Well, actually the exact words were “6-12 weeks” but right now I am gunning on six. Medically it is nothing serious, not even running related. Don't worry I won't bore anyone with the details. Somewhere along the way of life I learned that if I think of all the people who I imagine actually care about health problems, divide it by ten and then remove all the people who did not give birth / raise me or marry me than that is the correct number to discuss health, mundane daily activities and weather with. Tis a fact of life. Just look at Facebook status's for confirmation of people who have yet to work this out.

Can I still a runner if I can not run? Or what about a non runner who is now a runner not writing posts for a running blog who can not run? I feel like an imposter. And a confusing one at that. But the reality is at some point in the past year a part of me became a runner. I feel tremulously perched on the edge of transformation. Because even if physically I may not be in a runners state, mentally I am. Yet I will not let it define me. I have witnessed this happen to runners in the past, way before I myself became a runner. It is almost a bit scary to watch. They become increasingly cagey, pacing like a drug addict looking for their next hit. Their whole life revolves around when they can fit in their next run. Everything starts to fall apart, their lives, their mental states, their ability to talk about anything, ANYTHING else.

And as much as I really want to be a runner, I don't want to be that. I can still live and not run. How do I know this? How do I know I am a runner even if I do not run? Over the past three months when I have bounced between whether I am delusional or a failure it really all came down to conditional sentences. Which sounds like a judges verdict ending in jail term but is basic english grammar. Amongst all this thinking I realised it was not about IF I will run again it was about WHEN I will run again. It set this runner who stood still free.

The O-CORE-ber in October Challenge

 

I always hoped that there was a runner inside of me trying to get out. Well it's happening and it ain't pretty. I'm no longer the non-runner shuffling to a run but neither am I convincing myself that I know what I am doing as a runner. I think I am doing the whole fake it to you make it trick. I was obviously impressed with my ability to not only download a free running app on my phone but also learn how to work it plus understand the data. The next step was to buy an armband for my phone where the sales assistant said to me, "make sure you keep the receipt, in case it doesn't fit your arm." How kind.
 

Simply going for a run has all of a sudden become quite a palaver. I have headphones which need to stay in my ears, music that needs to be cued, a running app that needs to be started and an armband to attach to my arm - all simultaneously. I feel ridiculous. But just as I am about to ditch the gadgetry my running app informs me that one of my 5k weekly routes I have taken for the past year is more accurately 3.8k. I go to the local cafe to drown my sorrows in a smoothie where the owner informs me she can't look at me as she is freaked out by my feet in the barefoot shoes. Kindness all round.

 

 

So while I fine tune my running regime I am going to focus on my core strength as it is in need of some serious attention. I have created the O-core-ber in October challenge. Everyday in October I will dedicate 10 minutes to improving my core strength following a daily workout routine used by ex- ballerina and Canadian Long Distance runner, Jane Cullis, who drinks martinis and gets pornography offers. This is her blog I have started to follow http://janecoolis.blogspot.ca/ and this is where you can watch the workout video (she claims to be hangover in the video....you can tell). But if you wish to just have the workout here it is:
 

• 1 min front plank: hold
• 1 min side plank: hold 15 sec, side leg raises for 30 sec, hold 15 sec
• 90 sec front plank: 3 sets of 10 leg raises per leg, then hold until 90 sec
• 1 min side plank (alternate sides): hold 15 sec, side leg raises for 30 sec, hold 15 sec
• 30 sec front plank: hold
• 30 sec push-ups, 30 sec hold in push-up position
• Lying on your back with legs up at a 90-degree angle, lower both legs until just above the ground. Repeat for 30 sec.
• In sit-up position, side touches for 30 sec.
• Repeat 30 sec leg dips and 30 sec side touches.
• Return to front plank position for 1 min straight hold
• 30 sec push-ups and 30 sec hold in push-up position
 

Are you laughing with me yet? If not, you probably don't need to do the challenge. My goal is to replace anywhere she says 1 minute with 10 seconds in the beginning.

 

In the meantime I have to return the armband with receipt since it gauged a big hole in my arm. Still to be determined if it is that my arms are too fat or just a stupid product. Hopefully by November I will have sorted out my new running techniques with some functional core muscles.

Ten Question to Ask Yourself When You Can Run 5k and Want to Run 10k

Socrates is quoted having said an “unexamined life is not worth living.” I'm going to literally take it a step further and put it out there that an unexamined run is not worth running. As I start to think about what runs lie ahead in the next year to take me to 10k (gulp!) I wonder if there is any wisdom to be found on reflecting over the past year where I went from 5 steps to 5k?

Here are the ten questions I compiled. I wrote my answers below if interested.

1. What did I do well?
2. What can I improve on?
3. Who are the people who supported me the most?
4. How can I maximise their support and express gratitude? 
5. Who or what inspires me to run? 
6. Why is running 10k important to me?
7. What challenges stand between me and running 10k?
8. What's the number one change I need to make to ensure I achieve my 10k goal?
9. How will I do it?
10. If I could back in time and tell my non running self something what would it be?

What did I do well?

Mindfully, I did it all by myself. I earned every step and ran it MY way. No training program, no music, no watch, no gadgetry. I did not sustain any significant injury.

What can I improve on?

Conquer the dreadmill for winter is coming! Learn how to speak runner's talk. Find out what these pacing and splits are. Immerse myself with other runner's even if it means going incognito or paying. Get some gadgetry – even a watch or pedometer would do for starts. Work on basic math.

Who are the people who supported me the most?
Emotionally the people who read my blog because they make what I am doing feel important and worthwhile. Logistically those who look after my children so I can run.

How can I maximise their support and express gratitude?                                                    

Need to be more faithful with my blog posts and reach out to other potential readers who can  benefit from running with spirit techniques. The only way I can express gratitude is by writing well, usefully and frequently. I can only do this by running. It is a giving circle. Oh and keeping the child carers happy with occasional bribes.

Who or what inspires me to run?                                                                                                    

I love reading books about running. Especially Ultra marathoners. It makes what I am trying to achieve a piece of cake. But when I am running it is the “ordinary” people who inspire me the most. The heavily obese woman slowly jogging on the road as I drive by. The women at Stonehaven Running Club (future post stay tuned.) Not the runners who look like they came out of the womb tying up their laces.

 

Why is running 10k important to me?                                                                                       

It is a quarter of my marathon goal. I need to honour my health and running is the best way to make me a better person physically spiritually. 

 

What challenges stand between me and running 10k?    

Childcare and consistent motivation.

 

What's the number one change I need to make to ensure I achieve my 10k goal?

Dedication.

 

How will I do it?

In an ideal world: do 2 runs a week focusing on increasing distance and 2 runs a week that focus on speed. The other 2 days work on strength with yoga focusing especially on the core and arms. Until I come across something else that instinctively

If I could back in time and tell my non running self something what would it be? 
Go easy as hard as you can. For anything is better than nothing.

Running with Spirit: Recommended Reading List

Last year, one of our most dedicated and enthusiastic readers, requested for some book suggestions to help in their running journey. I took this request seriously. Too seriously. So seriously that it has taken me just under a year to compile and review a small selection of books.

Part of the challenge lies in the fact is that there are very few books written on using spiritual techniques when running. Usually the author is an expert on or the other; a monk, a priest or a professional athlete. That is one of the reasons why I started this blog as it is evident I am not an expert in spirituality or running. The momentum is picking up and I do hear of publications more frequently than when I began this blog. If I only listed books that were about running spiritually it would be a very short list indeed. But I have another reason, based on my own personal experience, at why I am taking a broad and more encompassing approach.

When I am inspired; I run. When my relationships with those around me are supportive and healthy; I run. When my children are behaving and functional; I run. When my body is properly nourished; I run. When I meditate; I run. When my soul is cared for; I run. I have included all of the books that enable me to achieve these things so I can run with spirit.

I have only suggested books that I have read myself and found immensely useful. I asked many friends whose opinion I value for suggestions. Books also have this knack of finding a reader at the right time. Sometimes I have picked up a book, read it thinking it was complete rubbish, only to revisit it at a later date and found it wonderful. Other times I have been interested in an author and disappointed. Two authors who come to mind are Eckhart Tolle and Deepak Chopra. Yet I know many readers have found their writing wonderful. Maybe one day I will too.

This list is not indicative of the books I have read or what is available. I have purposefully left out any books on meditation because I know that the only way to meditate is to do it. Better off finding a teacher or a course. My hope is that this post will be revised often, growing naturally, as I read more books and hopefully readers share their own book suggestions.

Running

• Running Within  – Jerry Lynch
• Zen and the Art of Running – Larry Shapiro, PhD
• Born to Run - Christopher MacDougall
• Running with the Mind of Meditation - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche
• Eat and Run Scott Jurek
• Running the Spiritual Path - Roger D. Joslin

Mindfulness

• Beginning Mindfulness: Learning the way of Awareness – Andrew Weiss

Spirituality

• The Tibetan Book of the Living and Dying - Sogyal Rinpoche
• Awakening the Buddha Within - Lama Surya Das
• Many Lives, Many Masters - Dr Brian Weiss
• Autobiography of a Yogi - Paramahansa Yogananda
• Yoga Nidra - Swami Satyananda Saraswati

Health

• Slim for Life - Jason Vale (Don't let the wanky title put you off.)

Inspiration

• The Alchemist - Paulo Cohello
• Way of the Peaceful Warrior - Dan Millman

Relationships

• 5 Languages of Love - Gary Chapman

Depression

• The Red Tree – Shaun Tan

Parenting

• Boundaries with Kids: How healthy choices grow healthy children – Dr Henry Cloud.
• Buddhism for Mothers with young children: How to become a mindful parent – Sarah Napthal

May you find the words you need, when you need them and use them wisely.

 

 

My FIRST race.

 Sorry to disappoint but I do not expect my race preparation techniques to feature in a Running magazine any time soon. The morning of the race I undid the knot in my elasticised running pants so they fit and tried to tuck in as much back fat into my sports bra as possible to close the straps. The night before I ate copious amounts of pizza. The week before I did no training as I was too busy making home brew and getting slightly tipsy on the tastings. Three months before the race I managed to squeeze in five runs. All in two weeks before the race. My children were more excited than me and were expecting me to win a trophy. The only thing I knew for sure is that they would be disappointed.

I could face this potentially humiliating race if I could find someone equally as ridiculous to do it with me. My one and only running partner, Gazelle had abandoned me to return back to university, taking any training motivation with me. Many requests were rejected. However, I did find one willing, brave soul who prefers to be unnamed and henceforth will be referred to as P. She too had not run all summer and before that only ever on a treadmill. Then I gave my attitude a major overhaul.

If someone had said to me last August (while I was laboriously running my ten steps and then recuperating by walking ten steps for a total of ten minutes) that one year later I would run a 5k race I would have told them to “tell 'em their dreaming!” Here I am one year later about it do it. That alone is an accomplishment and something to celebrate. One year later I am a runner who is still running (never mind that it is sporadic because really when does life ever go to plan.) No, if I was going to run this race it would be with a spirit of joyfulness and gratitude - gosh darn-it!

I always knew the Butter Trail run would be the perfect first race for me. It is a beautiful, peaceful trail. The race is small (120 people registered, half doing the 5km and half doing the 10km). The $40 registration fee is a fund raiser for the local recreation centre. Asking for donations just ain't my style. I admire and respect the race director, Jennifer Langille, who is humble and gracious. There is free child care. Fortunately, the weather was 16 Celsius, slight breeze, with just enough cloud cover to keep the sun off. You couldn't even pre-order better weather. The best part of all (besides the race t-shirt and goody bag) is that you can pin your race number to hide any jiggly belly fat.

Standing at the starting line was rather nerve racking. Truth be told I was a tad emotional too. I hoped P didn't notice. Mostly surrounded by all these rather serious, fit people fiddling with their gadgets and gizmo’s. I still wasn't sure what my running time would even be having never timed myself before.  The starting gun fires.

The locals came out of their houses with lawn chairs to cheer us on. I always run alone so I get such a happy buzz running with other people, and for awhile I just soak it in. I also get talkative which is hardly surprising. Any excuse really! I remember my friend Nicola in Scotland saying during her first marathon she just gave up and started socialising. At the time I thought she was bonkers and wondered how that could possibly happened but now I understand. There is such a party atmosphere and a huge sense of camaraderie. I start yapping to P. “I can't talk!” she puffs at me. Then we hit the killer hill.

My one and only expectation I had of myself was to run the whole way. Even if it meant I could get a faster time walking I still wanted to run it. People pulled their cars up into the park with music blasting to encourage us. Half way through the race I find myself running alongside a woman in her sixties and for awhile we ran together, matching step to step. Some sort of magical runners synergy takes place and when she pulled away ahead of me, I felt a better runner because of it. I hope anyone that runs with me leaves feeling the same way. I realise that any fears I have of competitiveness have been vanquished. I have never felt less competitive than when I running this race. I ran using everything I learned along the way mudras, meditations, mantras. Most of all I ran with joy and gratitude that I can.  A lone Bagpiper appeared on the trail at the final kilometre. Nova Scotia; the only place more Scottish than Scotland they say; it is true.

Seeing the finish line  my heart fills with joy and I remember how I always thought I would cross the finish line with a cartwheel, if I ever ran a race. Hopefully my children will get a kick out of it and it will distract them from the aforementioned trophy. I finish how I ran the whole race; running and smiling. I cross the finish line. I cartwheel.

I originally thought it was really important to me to have my family at the finish line, so at first it was mere surprise when they were not there. I took a few moments to reflect and realised that this is best possible way to finish my first race. Alone. Running has been a very spiritual, personal journey for me. It was meant to be. My husband can be absolved of any guilt. He wasn't at the finish line with kids because he did not imagine I could run it that fast. Still pissed the children missed the cartwheel though!

I do not feel that it is in the spirit of this blog to reveal my race time. However I appreciate the curiosity and interest so if you wish, look for Julia Morton in the Butter Trail 2012 race results. Some race photo can be found at Running with Spirit Facebook page.

P finished with a really inspiring time and should be proud of herself for her sheer bravery and guts. She is already trying to convince me to take part in another race in October. My original plan was to run one race a year. But there was one element of racing I did not expect; it is FUN. Will see.

Back at the beginning.

It has been a long time since my last post. I have been so focused fulfilling my plans of meditating on my lotus pad, learning sanskrit in between juicing and running at any given opportunity that I haven't had time to blog. Ok I am not a convincing liar. I haven't run for over 6 weeks and I am so disappointed and ashamed in myself that I fell so fast for so long. Actually the first 3 weeks I don't regret because a dream opportunity came along for our family that I literally dropped everything to make that dream come true. At the same time my 22 month old demanded to be potty trained and I was so knee deep in pee and poo and laundry that I just plain plumb forgot about all this running stuff.

What my mind forgot my body made sure I remembered; it felt sluggish and soft and very very sorry it had been neglected so badly. Once I came too and noticed how much time had lapsed since my last run I became very fearful. Before I could give reasons why running had to be sacrificed but these reasons morphed into excuses: Too hot. Potty training. Other runners started swarming MY route. Potty training. While I sipped cider. The Canadian summer became a humid, tropical, monsoon soup. It's summer holidays for goodness sake! In between mouthfuls of ice cream. Potty training. My running shoes grew mould in protest. It all became very overwhelming and a bit too hard. I could not be faffed.

Then the Gazelle came back. My little sister who held my hand while I walked ten steps and then ran ten steps last summer, slapped me from my tantrum and in a very adult no nonsense manner simply took me for a run. A run that I had built up in my imagination to be of such horrifying magnitudes that it took the whole 15 minutes to work out that I had run the whole way. Wondering what was all the fuss about? What about the cliché you lose your fitness faster than you gain it? What was I so afraid of? And what a waste of time I spent this summer not running. Haven't I learnt ANYTHNG?

Don't worry my body awoke the morning after the run to remind me of my transgressions. Everything hurt. My ankles, shins, calves, thighs, hamstrings, groin, core muscles, every muscle between my ribs. Even my tongue hurt. How I managed that still has me baffled. Never have I been more sore or sorry in my running. The only remedy for this state is to go for a 5km run which is exactly what I did this morning. Motivation is a muscle that needs to be strengthened.

This is where I find myself, one year on since I started running. Back exactly where I started and it sure looks familiar. Intimidating. Except now I can run and I know that I can do it. Because I have been here before not that long ago.

Time

“So what was your time?” is probably the number one question other runners ask. It is also the question I am least interested in. I won't deny there is a natural curiosity but it pricks the ears of my ego and makes me feel like I am running backwards rather than jogging forwards.

Yet time can be a useful, important and powerful indicator. It is also very effective at putting life in perspective. Anyone who really knows me, knows I want it all. Preferably yesterday before I even knew I wanted it. Meditation and living mindfully makes me just about bearable to live with. When I first started meditating I was on my second retreat where they taught two meditation techniques; mindfulness of breathing and the metta bhvana (loving-kindness). Our meditation teacher, Saty, only came down from his meditation hut on the mountain twice a year to teach. An eager participant asked him how long Saty had spent on these two types of meditation before he felt he could “move on.” Saty took a few minutes of silence to really consider this answer and then solemnly answered, “3 years.” Right there, at that moment, went my plans of conquering meditation on a one week retreat. And here I am 5 years later still practising, but now with the knowledge that it took one man 3 solid years sitting on a mountain.

Time frames give a path, like stepping stones, guiding me in the right direction. But some moments in life time itself struggles to time; like how long it takes to fall in love, discover enlightenment or find the car keys when your 19 month old has set the car alarm off? My guess is that the most important journeys in life time can not define.

This is why I take issue with these “Run 5km in 5 week” programs. To me, it is like the fast food version of running. Which I guess makes whatever it is I am doing the slow food option. Running with spirit certainly isn't the fastest way to become a runner. It took me 9 months to run 5kms. And some days I do not even run that, but it is still a better achievement than me just thinking about doing it. Or doing it for 5 weeks and then never again.

I've come across some running time frames that do inspire me. I stumbled across this idea of “building your base” in running when I was reading “Running with the Mind of Meditation”. The Osteopath Peter Goodman was quoted saying: “...bones are not stagnant; they are constantly changing and developing. Because they have blood vessels running throughout, through the pressure of running, they become harder and more resilient. Likewise, the tendons become conditioned and tough, and the muscles become stronger.” It continues to say that “building your base” takes two years. For me, this an achievable time frame.

And despite the belief that healthier, fitter able bodies only exist in their twenties the most successful professional long distance runners are in their late thirties and early forties. In a fascinating article "You're Only as Old as You Run" , which I recommend reading in The New York Times, it states: “ People over 40 now comprise 46 percent of (marathon) finishers.” So there is time for me yet. Because I'm defiantly in this for the long run. And time is on my side.

Barefoot Running is Good for the Soul

My Vibram Debut.

It's like eating with your fingers or sleeping under the stars, there is a primal resonance that just feels right about barefoot running. After reading “Born to Run” I had a good think if barefoot running was literally a path I wanted to run down and thoroughly did my research wanting to avoid being swept away by any gimmicks or fads. If anyone is contemplating barefoot running I really recommend seeing a professional, whether it is a podiatrist or a really knowledgeable shoe specialist, to determine your personal pronation. I visited one in Australia a couple of months ago which I wrote about in my post Advice worth running for Part II.  I had the good fortune of purchasing a pair for half price in LA and put it down to fate.

If you have ever tried to get a toddlers fingers into a pair of gloves than you will know the level of skill and frustration required to put on a pair of Vibram's. Toes are less dexterous than fingers. The Vibram's emphasis my size ten flipper feet. My first impression is that my feet felt extremely supported. I hadn't expected that. What I had anticipated was my Dad saying, “You're going running – wearing those?” Yes, I nod. To the man wearing a woman's headscarf. It's in the genes.

At the beginning of the run I felt like I was slapping the earth in her face with every step. There is a lot of advice out there saying to change your running technique but this I feel is instinctual wearing Vibrams. Let's face it I already look like a dork so naturally I minimise anything that will draw further attention to me (except the hot pink, which hopefully stops me becoming road kill). Naturally, I could run barefoot without the Vibrams but at this point in my life that would be rather irresponsible. More people than me need my feet, and if I step on glass, get frost bite or bitten than it is my family that suffers.

The next day my muscles, particularly my gluteus maximus, are very sore. I experience first hand why it is extremely important to ease the body into barefoot runs. I have been running consistently for over ten months now, the same route I first trialled the Vibrams on. The only thing that had changed was running barefoot. This time I ran using the muscles, ligaments and tendons I should have been utilising all along. This time I ran properly, the way I nature intended me too.

Retreat

It is that time of year when I have a one week break from my life. I'm just me; not an active duty mother, wife, sister or daughter. But it is not a holiday. I guess the best word would be “retreat.” Over the past five years I have done yoga and meditation retreats usually involving elements of travel. Whatever I feel will replenish me enough to go home and enable me to have the energy, imagination and enthusiasm to live a life I can love for myself and family.

Except this time it is different. This time at the airport I bought a running magazine. The cover says “Run 5km faster” and has an extract from Scott Jurek's new book “Eat and Run” (excitement!). Really, how can I not buy it? It's like the running magazine tailored made it for me; a proud initiation. An articles talks about the challenges runners face when they start tapering. With all the training and momentum generated it can be very difficult to slow down. Rest. This is the only way to ensure that the body is in peak condition before a big race. I cannot help but see the sense in the similarities between this approach to what I am doing now. Taking a break from life to ensure that I can live my life in peak performance.

Part of my break has been staying at the Cancer Lodge in Toronto with my Great Uncle while he receives treatment. The other part was visiting my best friend in the rather glamorous Los Angeles. The contrast is stark, grim and humbling. While I over the past five years have been gallivanting on one week retreats improving the quality of life, my Uncle has spent the past five years travelling every three to six weeks to Toronto so that he can live. He confided in me saying, “I never thought it would be me having this.” When I asked him what he thought would happen his response was, “Nothing”. Which is what we all think. Till it happens to us.

Once my eyes adjust to the institutionalised aesthetic I can't help but see things from a different perspective. Hundreds of patients wait to have their blood work taken. And that is just one hour of one day. Uncle David is only one of 21 patients his Doctor sees daily. I was mentally prepared for the personal connection but the sheer numbers and volume are confronting. Yet I laugh more in the past few days than I had the whole of last year. In my daily life I encounter people who complain more about a lot less. Me included.

I feel an immense responsibility now towards my running, which was previously lacking. It doesn't feel like such a solitary journey anymore and I comprehend the link between running and charity fundraising for events such as Relay for Life. I run for those who wish they could and can't. For those who should and don't. Christopher Reeve said “It saddens me to see people who have the ability to move, wasting that gift.”

I dedicate this post to Leonie Meier, who is holding her son Rudi's hand as she enters the final stages of cancer. Love.

Running on Juice

I am on Day 5 of a juice detox. Not a morsel of food has entered my mouth since Sunday night and I am not even hungry. This is my seventh time doing this program. I have gained and lost the same 25 kg nearly three times in the past five years. This is not a reflection on the effectiveness of the program but rather me getting pregnant. Let me just say, you do not really know a person until they do a juicing detox. All the refined sugar, caffeine, alcohol, food addictions and general gunk that we all use to pep our personalities up, giving us false energy to survive yet another day …. take that away and see what is left. A quivering wreck in panic mode. So when I am going through my 72 hour withdrawal period I tell myself: imagine what state I would be in if I didn't do this juicing detox before every season, but rather it accumulated years upon years. What state would I be in then physically? Mentally? Tis the stuff of nightmares. I then pick my one year old up who weighs exactly as much as I want to lose and then feel the relief when I put her down again. That is how I will feel all the time when I lose the weight. Lighter. Freer. I will be able to run with the deer instead of scaring them away like an elephant.

Actually, I would go as far to say, you probably don't really know yourself until you do a juicing detox. When I started there was no way I thought I could do a juice detox. I quite simply did not have the willpower. So I spent a lot of time looking and making excuses; protein, calories, calcium, elimination “issues”, hyperglycaemic, high blood pressure etc. But I literally just sucked it up and did it. The transformation went way beyond the physical. I may have lost weight but I gained determination. Confidence. Self belief. Will power. I could see clearly those who were supportive and encouraging in my life. Detoxing gets rid of lot more than just excess weight and impurities. It makes you mentally and physically stronger. The exact same recipe for becoming a runner.

So when I finally run a marathon you will not see me chomping on any energy bars but rather finding some kind soul handing me my juice. But for anyone who is already at that level and wants to learn more about juicing and running specifically this is a fantastic free guide by someone who runs marathons and juices http://www.juicemaster.com/running-on-juice

PS – Big juicy Hello to all my fellow juicing detox people doing the program via Facebook. First time I have done it with 10,000 other and must say it is really beneficial knowing we are in this together.

Running with Ego

It's my Ego's fault. Absolutely. I have been doing such intense work on eradicating it that I was convinced my third eye was going to explode under the intense pressure I was generating in-between my eyebrows. My long suffering friend listened patiently to my concerns, before pointing out politely, it was more likely that the pain was from my sinus infection reoccurring. Who knows how long I would have gone spouting this disillusionment? When you delve this deep sometimes you need someone to shovel you out before you go cuckoo. Despite what people say, sometimes you really shouldn't listen to yourself.

Let's backtrack. My last post highlighted some personal issues amongst an awful lot of waffle. What exactly is my fear of racing? On a superficial level I could say it is crowds of people, but then I have been forced into many crowded situations and survived intact able to obtain a goal. Surely, if I am going to come up with an excuse I can manage a better one than that! And although I would be embarrassed about coming last, it is one I could live with it and one of my greatest faults is that I am very uninterested in worrying at what other people think of me. I'm usually too busy concerned with what I am thinking about myself. And this is the crux of the matter; inside of me is an egotistical maniac. It's like discovering you have been secretly possessed with a demon and avoiding any situation where it may rear it's head. A situation like a race.

A race provides the perfect conditions and breeding ground for the ego. The anticipation, drama, sacrifice, judgement, illusion, self doubt and belief. Or perhaps these are the perfect challenges to eradicate the ego. My fear is not based on racing other runners, but rather racing alongside the image I have created of myself in my mind and not winning.

So lately I have been very preoccupied with this image I have created of myself. I want to share something I read because it spoke directly to my ego and made it squirm. Uncomfortably.

“The Lower Self will feed the ego: the Higher Self has no ego. I was asked recently how one can tell what is the Lower Self and what is the Higher Self? This is not a difficult answer to give; the Lower Self creates illusion. It will have you believing the most preposterous things. It will have you believing you are not the guilty one when you are, and it will reason with you to try and get you to see its point of view. It will even argue with your Higher Self, and if you are not at a higher rate of vibration, your Higher Self will not be able to retaliate with truth.

The Lower Self never thinks of anything but itself. All it can see is its own pain, suffering, difficulty, how hard done by it is, how it is being punished and how people are hurting and creating problems for it. It can see all of the faults of others, but never its own faults! The Lower Self sees itself as perfect. It will argue with you to preserve its own truth. It can never see a positive outcome of any situation! The list is endless of what the Lower Self will do to reign supreme.

And what of the Higher Self, what does that do? It does nothing! Absolutely nothing! It does not have to justify itself. It will point out your own faults, but will never point out the faults of others. It sees the suffering one goes through and the difficulties as lessons, which one can learn from. It always has a positive outcome for every situation. It never judges, it sits quietly and lets the world pass by while it deals with issues, which need to be dealt with for its own higher good.”
- www.theego.org

It feels like an overwhelming, astronomic task attempting to exorcising this ego of mine. But for now, I just want to make sure when I am listening to myself, I am listening to the right part of myself.

To Race or Not to Race? THAT is the question.....

My Australian confinement is coming to an end this week and the back of my left knee is an unusual souvenir; a white tailed spider bite. Well, technically Incey Wincey bit me four times. I think it is karma for when I lived in the UK and secretly laughed at the people who couldn't hack visiting Australia because of all the “dangerous” animals. I lived, for the most part, in Australia for 17 years without a deadly spider, snake, jellyfish or shark incident. Ironically as a “tourist” I get the experience. The spider bite itself is not too bad, just like a particularly bad bee or wasp sting. But my left knee has become incredibly stiff and sore, at the worst extending to my hip joint. Evidently my running has come to a stand still.

I have taken this opportunity to reflect and re-evaluate. December I ran every day. January I did an hour and half of yoga everyday. February I did whatever I felt like until I became little Miss Muffet. One of the obstacles I am struggling with is my sense of achievement as a runner has different criteria to the status quo. Quite often I get asked, “How far did you run? How fast? It is how a runner asks “How are you?” At first I was embarrassed because I guess a “runner” would be able to answer these question. Now I just find it extremely irritating, because the people who are genuinely interested in my running journey know nothing is more demotivating to me than a discussion about speed, distance and pace.

There is a reason to my madness at why I have shunned the usual running paraphernalia. Quite early on I observed that people who run with this intention get all the gear (don't forget the fancy watch!) spend a good chunk of time fine tuning their ipod running play list, bore us all with updating their Facebook status with their running distances and times and then before you know it justify to everyone else why they are “too busy to run” The runner's equivalent to what Buddhists refer to as the “monkey mind”. The “real” runners who inspire me barely ever mention their running stats. Occasionally as they are gearing up to an important race they start following a training program but for the vast majority of their runs they simply run.

Simply running is not easy for a non runner. Instead of training sessions I think of my run as a gift to myself and to those I love. Instead of pace, I clearly state my sankalpha (intention) for the run. Rather than speed I focus on the state of my mind; how I feel before and after my run. I meditate on any changes that occurred while concentrating on my breath or grooving with a mantra. I aim to always finish my running practise with gratitude for whatever is important to me at the time. More relevant running statistics to me but the problem is they are not quantifiable, therefore mostly uninteresting to anyone other than myself. How does this attitude transfer into a racing environment?

In some ways I think I should race. I have this lofty idea of running a marathon one day and racing is the road of expectation. It's a bit like life where ideally there is a set pattern people expect you to follow; boy meets girl, engagement, wedding, baby. But not all lives run to this script and yet still manage a happy ending. A runner is expected to do 5km, 10km, Half Marathon, Marathon all within an allotted time frame following whatever running program is in vogue. But aren't there more ways than one to win a race? Does racing really matter? Back to my curds and whey.

Why running, reading and writing this blog is important.

Maybe I should have thought this through better, or shared it, before I begun but sometimes it is more interesting to let an intention to develop and bloom on it's own...... Toni Morrison, the author of Beloved said, “If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.” It is from this that the Running with Spirit blog was conceived. I have yet to find a non runner who is chronicling consistenly their running journey from a spiritual perspective and utilizing a vast range of techniques. Occasionally I come across the odd article, post or one off book, but it is never comprehensive enough for me and I am ravenous for more. If anyone does come across one please share and let us know.

I am starting to suspect this lack of information is self awareness. Runners are everywhere and they know they are running, whipping out their pacing, distances and personal best times at any given opportunity. But what they do not know is that their running practise is profound and crosses boundaries into something higher and more purposeful. Actually, some of them are aware but fearful to use spiritual language. A perfect example is of the cult running best seller book, “Born to Run” by Christopher MacDougall's quote:

"I knew aerobic exercise was a powerful antidepressant, but I hadn't realized it could be so profoundly mood stabilizing and—I hate to use the word—meditative"

At least he was aware that running produces a meditative state naturally, but why is that wrong? Why does that have to be something to be fearful of? Isn't this something exciting? Something to explore? I strongly encourage you to read his book. It is so well written, inspiring and descriptive. I would even go as far to say the best book I have read in the past five years, even if I was not interested in running. But he would not need to be as descriptive if he just used the words mindfulness, meditation, spirit, silence, resolution, prayer,  mantras.....

This is why it was so hard for me to find a blog like this to read and why I felt compelled to write it. And why I am so thankful and blessed for your interest and support. We are a small, loyal, passionate and brave bunch scattered all over the world. We are that colourful, cosy, glowing intersection of a Venn diagram. The heart of the spirit and the beat of the run.

Ujjayi Breathing Update.

Quick update for anyone who is also trialling using ujjayi breathing techniques when running. I've noticed that I have been getting more stitches since I started focusing on this breath and be interesting to know if anyone else has similar experiences. I do not know if it is a combination of the bandhas at the same time. Ujjayi breathing generates heat so maybe best to initiate this before I begin the run before my sankalpa, or my running resolve. I now only use ujjayi breathing if I feel I am losing my focus and it is proving effective.

Astangya Run

Every weekday for the past month I have been getting up at 5am for a beginner intensive astanga yoga course. This is the second time I have done a beginner astanga, the first time over 15 years ago. After the disaster which was Marcothon, I really wanted to reconnect with my body and take a bit of a break from running. The podiatrist I saw said that a good runner needs strength and I think Astangya yoga is the best way to get it. I really need to work on my “core” muscles, having had two c-sections and two abdominal surgery my core is non existent, although to be fair it wasn't really anything there to begin with.

Astangya yoga is very different to other types of yoga. It is the difference between a leisurely stroll and a marathon. It is not that it is a “better” type of yoga it just has a different focus. Astanga is about endurance, discipline and dedication. Astangya yoga practitioners focus on tristana which comprise of three elements; breath (ujjayi), gaze point (drishti) and postures (asanas / bandhas). Lately I have been trialling tristana in my runs.

UJJAYI

Simply breath is life. The moment you are born you take your first breath, when you die is your last. Everything else in between is life. My first astangya yoga teacher, Tom, was extremely strict and would be mortified if we breathed through our mouths. “A mouth is for eating and a nose is for breathing – nothing else!” Tom was really hard on everyone but especially himself. But he did make a point. A nose is designed to filter the air, making each breath as pure as possible. The ujjayi breath is a yogic technique that is sometimes referred to ocean breathing because it sounds similar to waves. Try making your breathing as noisy as possible, as if you wanted someone to hear every inhalation and exhalation; constrict your throat and that is ujjayi breathing. It is proven to increase oxygenation. Newborn babies instinctively use the ujjayi breath. When running I try to breathe only through my nose and although I do not use ujjayi breathe the whole run I find it guides my focus and energy back.

DRISHTI

When I started running I actually wrote a post about not knowing where to “look” when I run. Every single astangya yoga has a specific drishti or gaze point, which aids in the focus, concentration and alignment of the posture. The power of the drishti point becomes apparent during balancing poses. Having experimented with a few drishti points (there are nine in total) I have found gazing softly just beyond the tip of my nose the most effective drishti while running. I find my focus is better and I can reach a meditative state quicker, and find my way back to that state more easily if distracted when I use this drishti.

BANDHA

A direct translation of a bandha is “lock”. Utilizing bandhas means you are optimizing the energy flow in your body while regulating your heart rate and building core strength. B.K.S. Iyenger in Light on Pranayama says, “an electric motor burns out if its voltage is allowed to rise too high. When electricity is generated, it is necessary to have transformers, conductors, fuses, switches and insulated wires to carry the power to its destination; otherwise the current would be lethal.” There are three bandhas; mula bandha, uddiyana bandha and jalandhara bandha. I have tried running with combinations of them and have found mula and uddiyana bandha the best combination. I think jalandhara bandha is more effective in passive poses. If you have ever had to stop peeing midstream and hold it, you are essentially engaging your mula bandha. Although if you were doing it more consciously you would squeeze all the surrounding muscles around your bottom too. Uddiyana bandha is when you attempt to get your belly button to touch your spine. I find it extremely challenging to run and engage my bandhas at the same time but I do feel it makes a difference. I feel lighter and stronger. I can run further effortlessly.

I feel using tristana in my running has been immensely beneficial and I am eager to incorporate more. Please share your experiences with any of the tristana elements while running or if there are any other techniques that you use. When all three elements of tristana come together they same your body becomes a temple.

Advice Part II: Advice worth running for.

All this Olympic paraphernalia I am looking at is confirming that I have absolutely no right to be sitting here in this running room shrine. Upon further reflection on my last post it occurred to me that the best advice is from someone unbiased, with no agenda and expertise. And unless you are extremely fortunate, it is usually the sort you have to pay for. In a very convoluted way my severe case of sinusitis back in November led me to secure an appointment with the Australian Running Olympic Team podiatrist.

We started off by talking about why I was there. I explained when I started “running” back in August I noticed a pins and needles sensation in the middle of the ball of my right foot. I thought since I was running in a pair of shoes that were more than ten years old, that maybe it was easy fixed. Luckily I had a very knowledgeable shoes salesman that pointed out what I was describing sounded like Morton's Neuroma and that I should defiantly get it checked out. I tell him all this but do not reveal my ulterior motive is to find out how a podiatrist becomes an advocate for barefoot running and to ask his opinion of whether this is a route I should start running.

He did some basic tests. Placed my foot as far back from the wall with my knee bent still able to touch the wall and measured the distance. Checked my balance by getting me to stand on one foot, eyes open and shut. I laid down and he tried to find the location of the problem. He drew a line in the middle of the back of my heel then he put me on the treadmill first walking and then running. We studied the video. I think the results surprised us both. I have about as close to perfect natural form as you can get which puts me in good position to start barefoot running twice a week.

The official diagnosis is a bursitis which has the potential to develop into a neuroma. The podiatrist said that a good runner comes down to three things: strength, speed and experience. Of which I have none. My treatment involves working on my balance. This helps strengthen the hundreds of small muscles in the foot. Using ice on the foot. Massaging the ball of the foot. Doing three sets of ten reps of calf raises. Re-lacing my shoes so that the first two holes are empty. Which sounds like a fairly simple solution that I should be suspicious. But my only other brief encounter with a podiatrist was after I had my third baby and was diagnosed with crippling plantar fascitis. Which was simply solved by pointing and flexing my feet before I getting out of bed.

As he was strapping my foot I spied, his 2007 New York Marathon Shirt framed on his wall and shared my hope of one day running a marathon. “You will.” He said this matter of factly. I felt absolved of any feelings of self doubt and reborn as a runner. Pretty good value for AUD $100.

Advice Part I: When to run with it and when to run away from it.

I must look like a person that needs advice, because recently I have been given tons of it. Actually I am running away from all the advice I never asked for; the marital advice from the three-time-divorcee, the parenting advice from people that have never had experience looking after kids, and especially the running advice from people who have never attempted to run. Yep, it must be the New Year when all the new resolutions bring out the advice givers out from the comfort of their hypocritical, bigoted comfort zones. The all time pet peeve is what I call retroactive advice: giving you a blow by blow account how exactly they would have done it, and therefore how you should have done it. Which would have been useful. Had they given you the advice beforehand.

All this misguided advice makes me really angry which is lucky. I run better when I am in angry. This works in my favour for a few runs but accumlative anger is exhausting. The Marcothon pretty much robbed me of any lingering sense of joy around my running accomplishments and so I direct the anger inwards towards myself. I went against my instincts that doing the Marcothon was not a good idea and instead was swept away in a culture that says quitters are wimps. Now I have to pay that price. None of my usual tricks meditation, mudras and mantras are working their magic. Most days I run I really feel like I am running backwards or not at all. People walk faster than I run at the moment. My heart is not in it. In a desperate attempt to keep going I resort to running to music on my husbands phone. It completely disorientated me and made me nauseous. His taste in music is really that bad.

I take encouragement that I am still motivated to go for a run. It is when I am actually running I find the motivation has left me behind and I wonder what I am running for? Sometimes I get the eery feeling that runs mirror where I am in life. I think it is time to get back on the meditation rock. I am going to do an intensive ashtanga yoga course and drop back to only 3 runs a week. If I get my head in the right place the runs usually follow.

The best advice I have ever been given has been from myself. It may have not originated from within me but often the source is so clever that it slowly plants a seed somewhere in me so that when the time is ripe it can grow, and perhaps run, with me.

“It’s a skill to know how to give advice. However it is ALSO a skill to take advice. I believe this skill to know how to take (good) advice is a key differential between those that cross that finish line, and those that don’t.” - Nilofer Merchant on August 23, 2011in Entrepreneurship

Marcothon: A reflection on running 5km everyday in December 2011.

The most important lesson I learned completing the Marcothon is to never, ever do it again. Sometimes while on a run I imagine Marco, the created of the Marcothon.* Maybe it's because I am currently in Australia but when I summon Marco, he is always in the pub, a cold pint in his hand. His shirt is covered in splotches of sweat and he leans forward over a slight beer gut (that his wife has convinced him is cuddly) to say,

“Oi mate....” here he pauses, almost philosophically, as he watches some beer slop onto the toes of his thongs. “Maaaaate, I was just thinkin'...we should just bloody well run everyday in December” Taking a big swig of beer he waits to gauge everyone’s reaction, which is a bit lacklustre.

“What? Like even Christmas Day,” some pub goer pipes up.

“Bloody oath Christmas Day!” Marco would reply, slamming down his empty pint, “I said everyday in December didn't I!”

“Struth Marco that's a bit hardcore!” And the more they drink, the more details get hashed out. It's a bit like when I used to work in London and some male manager would implement an idea that was doomed to be an epic failure and my colleague would turn to me, rolling her eyes sighing, “Designed by a man.”

Then an idiot like me thinks it is a good idea. And the part that I am very apologetic about is that I told other people about it, without first trialling it myself. I am sorry. I partially blame all the running endorphins. Maybe the problem isn't actually the Marcothon but rather I wasn't a very good runner to begin with. In November I was really happy if I managed to run 5km once a week and now in December I was expecting myself to run that everyday. Often in the heat of an Australian summer which my body was not acclimatised for having lived in Scotland for five years. Mid month the inevitable happens and I have crippling shin splints and my ankles start rolling unexpectedly. I make an executive decision to take two days off. Those two days off not running seriously felt like two months.

Failing is a slippery slope. At this point it would have been easy to call it quits but it did not cross my mind, but it did take the pressure off knowing I can just pick up where I left off. I know I did not run 5 km everyday. Somedays I ran more, most days I ran less. But despite those two days I ran everyday. Even Christmas Day which was my favourite run by far. Being a Marcothon Finisher I believe has actually made me a worse runner, but it did give me a stronger moral fibre. Like I said the most important lesson I learned completing the Marcothon is to never, ever do it again. Until next December. Who knows what runner I will be by then?

*I would like to clarify I have never met Marco. I assume he lives in Scotland and is Scottish therefore would have an amazingly tolerant sense of humour.