The Non Attachment Workout

Currently my greatest challenge has resided not in running but what Buddhists call “non attachment”. True understanding of non attachment, like a big bar of chocolate, is best served in in bite sized pieces not by stuffing your face. And running is a great teacher. If I find myself thinking or saying, “I only run in the evening / or when it is sunny / or with my running partner / or in the country / or when wearing my lucky underwear” I stop myself. I do not want to create conditions that will set me up for further excuses or failure in the future. If I have no preconceived notions of how things should be or how I feel about them then I am exercising my true free will and not allowing circumstances to have any form of “control” over me.

Does it mean I still have preferences? Yes. But when in life is anything ever perfect? And the few times when the stars are aligned just so and everything in the universe conspires to my wishes than I am grateful. The irony is that I have never learned anything new about myself in these moments and they are often the least memorable runs. Remind me of this when the inevitable blizzards with -40 Celsius and waist deep snow drifts settle in for the winter.

Recently I had a taste of this when the fringes of a hurricane swept our shore. I felt coerced to becoming one with that sad piece of a equipment in the bowels of the basement. Treadmills are not the best cheerleaders, and nobody benefits from immediate feedback of calories burned, distanced travelled and watching time play tricks on you. It is a dysfunctional demoralising relationship but we are working on it and hopefully one day soon we can be on talking terms that treadmill and I.

Last weekend I was in the city and unexpectedly had to stay longer than originally planned. This meant I had not packed my running shoes. I went into full blown panic mode. Every second day I run and I feel if I miss one day then I will undo all the conditioning that I have sweated for and be back walking as fast as one can untie my double knotted runners shoelace. I do not even want to admit how low I stooped to borrow a size 10 pair of running shoes in Halifax. I am still embarrassed by it as I have no concept of personal boundaries. I apologise – you know who you are! Amidst this chaos screaming in my head I finally listen to a tiny whisper...could it be....no....could it possibly be....am I attached to running? In summary I practised non attachment techniques to running only to become attached to running which means I now I have to become non attached to running. So essentially I am back at the beginning! My non attachment practise did a switcharoo on me. Hardly surprising. I am a Gemini.

I fully recommend the non attachment workout. I learned to let go and not run. And in the process I became a much better runner.