I
have a perfectly good reason at why I have not been writing posts for
this running blog; I haven't been running. At first it was just
instinct that I should stop running. Something wasn't “quite
right.” I saw a doctor, had an x-ray, some tests, saw a specialist
and nearly three months later my hunch was right. The official
diagnosis is I need to wait another six weeks until I can run again.
Well, actually the exact words were “6-12 weeks” but right now I
am gunning on six. Medically it is nothing serious, not even running
related. Don't worry I won't bore anyone with the details. Somewhere
along the way of life I learned that if I think of all the people who
I imagine actually care about health problems, divide it by ten and
then remove all the people who did not give birth / raise me or marry
me than that is the correct number to discuss health, mundane daily
activities and weather with. Tis a fact of life. Just look at
Facebook status's for confirmation of people who have yet to work
this out.
Can
I still a runner if I can not run? Or what about a non runner who is
now a runner not writing posts for a running blog who can not run? I
feel like an imposter. And a confusing one at that. But the reality
is at some point in the past year a part of me became a runner. I
feel tremulously perched on the edge of transformation. Because even
if physically I may not be in a runners state, mentally I am. Yet I
will not let it define me. I have witnessed this happen to runners in
the past, way before I myself became a runner. It is almost a bit
scary to watch. They become increasingly cagey, pacing like a drug
addict looking for their next hit. Their whole life revolves around
when they can fit in their next run. Everything starts to fall apart,
their lives, their mental states, their ability to talk about
anything, ANYTHING else.
And
as much as I really want to be a runner, I don't want to be that. I can
still live and not run. How do I know this? How do I know I am a
runner even if I do not run? Over the past three months when I have
bounced between whether I am delusional or a failure it really all
came down to conditional sentences. Which sounds like a judges
verdict ending in jail term but is basic english grammar. Amongst all this thinking I realised it
was not about IF I will run again it was about WHEN I will run again.
It set this runner who stood still free.
