My FIRST race.

 Sorry to disappoint but I do not expect my race preparation techniques to feature in a Running magazine any time soon. The morning of the race I undid the knot in my elasticised running pants so they fit and tried to tuck in as much back fat into my sports bra as possible to close the straps. The night before I ate copious amounts of pizza. The week before I did no training as I was too busy making home brew and getting slightly tipsy on the tastings. Three months before the race I managed to squeeze in five runs. All in two weeks before the race. My children were more excited than me and were expecting me to win a trophy. The only thing I knew for sure is that they would be disappointed.

I could face this potentially humiliating race if I could find someone equally as ridiculous to do it with me. My one and only running partner, Gazelle had abandoned me to return back to university, taking any training motivation with me. Many requests were rejected. However, I did find one willing, brave soul who prefers to be unnamed and henceforth will be referred to as P. She too had not run all summer and before that only ever on a treadmill. Then I gave my attitude a major overhaul.

If someone had said to me last August (while I was laboriously running my ten steps and then recuperating by walking ten steps for a total of ten minutes) that one year later I would run a 5k race I would have told them to “tell 'em their dreaming!” Here I am one year later about it do it. That alone is an accomplishment and something to celebrate. One year later I am a runner who is still running (never mind that it is sporadic because really when does life ever go to plan.) No, if I was going to run this race it would be with a spirit of joyfulness and gratitude - gosh darn-it!

I always knew the Butter Trail run would be the perfect first race for me. It is a beautiful, peaceful trail. The race is small (120 people registered, half doing the 5km and half doing the 10km). The $40 registration fee is a fund raiser for the local recreation centre. Asking for donations just ain't my style. I admire and respect the race director, Jennifer Langille, who is humble and gracious. There is free child care. Fortunately, the weather was 16 Celsius, slight breeze, with just enough cloud cover to keep the sun off. You couldn't even pre-order better weather. The best part of all (besides the race t-shirt and goody bag) is that you can pin your race number to hide any jiggly belly fat.

Standing at the starting line was rather nerve racking. Truth be told I was a tad emotional too. I hoped P didn't notice. Mostly surrounded by all these rather serious, fit people fiddling with their gadgets and gizmo’s. I still wasn't sure what my running time would even be having never timed myself before.  The starting gun fires.

The locals came out of their houses with lawn chairs to cheer us on. I always run alone so I get such a happy buzz running with other people, and for awhile I just soak it in. I also get talkative which is hardly surprising. Any excuse really! I remember my friend Nicola in Scotland saying during her first marathon she just gave up and started socialising. At the time I thought she was bonkers and wondered how that could possibly happened but now I understand. There is such a party atmosphere and a huge sense of camaraderie. I start yapping to P. “I can't talk!” she puffs at me. Then we hit the killer hill.

My one and only expectation I had of myself was to run the whole way. Even if it meant I could get a faster time walking I still wanted to run it. People pulled their cars up into the park with music blasting to encourage us. Half way through the race I find myself running alongside a woman in her sixties and for awhile we ran together, matching step to step. Some sort of magical runners synergy takes place and when she pulled away ahead of me, I felt a better runner because of it. I hope anyone that runs with me leaves feeling the same way. I realise that any fears I have of competitiveness have been vanquished. I have never felt less competitive than when I running this race. I ran using everything I learned along the way mudras, meditations, mantras. Most of all I ran with joy and gratitude that I can.  A lone Bagpiper appeared on the trail at the final kilometre. Nova Scotia; the only place more Scottish than Scotland they say; it is true.

Seeing the finish line  my heart fills with joy and I remember how I always thought I would cross the finish line with a cartwheel, if I ever ran a race. Hopefully my children will get a kick out of it and it will distract them from the aforementioned trophy. I finish how I ran the whole race; running and smiling. I cross the finish line. I cartwheel.

I originally thought it was really important to me to have my family at the finish line, so at first it was mere surprise when they were not there. I took a few moments to reflect and realised that this is best possible way to finish my first race. Alone. Running has been a very spiritual, personal journey for me. It was meant to be. My husband can be absolved of any guilt. He wasn't at the finish line with kids because he did not imagine I could run it that fast. Still pissed the children missed the cartwheel though!

I do not feel that it is in the spirit of this blog to reveal my race time. However I appreciate the curiosity and interest so if you wish, look for Julia Morton in the Butter Trail 2012 race results. Some race photo can be found at Running with Spirit Facebook page.

P finished with a really inspiring time and should be proud of herself for her sheer bravery and guts. She is already trying to convince me to take part in another race in October. My original plan was to run one race a year. But there was one element of racing I did not expect; it is FUN. Will see.

Time

“So what was your time?” is probably the number one question other runners ask. It is also the question I am least interested in. I won't deny there is a natural curiosity but it pricks the ears of my ego and makes me feel like I am running backwards rather than jogging forwards.

Yet time can be a useful, important and powerful indicator. It is also very effective at putting life in perspective. Anyone who really knows me, knows I want it all. Preferably yesterday before I even knew I wanted it. Meditation and living mindfully makes me just about bearable to live with. When I first started meditating I was on my second retreat where they taught two meditation techniques; mindfulness of breathing and the metta bhvana (loving-kindness). Our meditation teacher, Saty, only came down from his meditation hut on the mountain twice a year to teach. An eager participant asked him how long Saty had spent on these two types of meditation before he felt he could “move on.” Saty took a few minutes of silence to really consider this answer and then solemnly answered, “3 years.” Right there, at that moment, went my plans of conquering meditation on a one week retreat. And here I am 5 years later still practising, but now with the knowledge that it took one man 3 solid years sitting on a mountain.

Time frames give a path, like stepping stones, guiding me in the right direction. But some moments in life time itself struggles to time; like how long it takes to fall in love, discover enlightenment or find the car keys when your 19 month old has set the car alarm off? My guess is that the most important journeys in life time can not define.

This is why I take issue with these “Run 5km in 5 week” programs. To me, it is like the fast food version of running. Which I guess makes whatever it is I am doing the slow food option. Running with spirit certainly isn't the fastest way to become a runner. It took me 9 months to run 5kms. And some days I do not even run that, but it is still a better achievement than me just thinking about doing it. Or doing it for 5 weeks and then never again.

I've come across some running time frames that do inspire me. I stumbled across this idea of “building your base” in running when I was reading “Running with the Mind of Meditation”. The Osteopath Peter Goodman was quoted saying: “...bones are not stagnant; they are constantly changing and developing. Because they have blood vessels running throughout, through the pressure of running, they become harder and more resilient. Likewise, the tendons become conditioned and tough, and the muscles become stronger.” It continues to say that “building your base” takes two years. For me, this an achievable time frame.

And despite the belief that healthier, fitter able bodies only exist in their twenties the most successful professional long distance runners are in their late thirties and early forties. In a fascinating article "You're Only as Old as You Run" , which I recommend reading in The New York Times, it states: “ People over 40 now comprise 46 percent of (marathon) finishers.” So there is time for me yet. Because I'm defiantly in this for the long run. And time is on my side.

To Race or Not to Race? THAT is the question.....

My Australian confinement is coming to an end this week and the back of my left knee is an unusual souvenir; a white tailed spider bite. Well, technically Incey Wincey bit me four times. I think it is karma for when I lived in the UK and secretly laughed at the people who couldn't hack visiting Australia because of all the “dangerous” animals. I lived, for the most part, in Australia for 17 years without a deadly spider, snake, jellyfish or shark incident. Ironically as a “tourist” I get the experience. The spider bite itself is not too bad, just like a particularly bad bee or wasp sting. But my left knee has become incredibly stiff and sore, at the worst extending to my hip joint. Evidently my running has come to a stand still.

I have taken this opportunity to reflect and re-evaluate. December I ran every day. January I did an hour and half of yoga everyday. February I did whatever I felt like until I became little Miss Muffet. One of the obstacles I am struggling with is my sense of achievement as a runner has different criteria to the status quo. Quite often I get asked, “How far did you run? How fast? It is how a runner asks “How are you?” At first I was embarrassed because I guess a “runner” would be able to answer these question. Now I just find it extremely irritating, because the people who are genuinely interested in my running journey know nothing is more demotivating to me than a discussion about speed, distance and pace.

There is a reason to my madness at why I have shunned the usual running paraphernalia. Quite early on I observed that people who run with this intention get all the gear (don't forget the fancy watch!) spend a good chunk of time fine tuning their ipod running play list, bore us all with updating their Facebook status with their running distances and times and then before you know it justify to everyone else why they are “too busy to run” The runner's equivalent to what Buddhists refer to as the “monkey mind”. The “real” runners who inspire me barely ever mention their running stats. Occasionally as they are gearing up to an important race they start following a training program but for the vast majority of their runs they simply run.

Simply running is not easy for a non runner. Instead of training sessions I think of my run as a gift to myself and to those I love. Instead of pace, I clearly state my sankalpha (intention) for the run. Rather than speed I focus on the state of my mind; how I feel before and after my run. I meditate on any changes that occurred while concentrating on my breath or grooving with a mantra. I aim to always finish my running practise with gratitude for whatever is important to me at the time. More relevant running statistics to me but the problem is they are not quantifiable, therefore mostly uninteresting to anyone other than myself. How does this attitude transfer into a racing environment?

In some ways I think I should race. I have this lofty idea of running a marathon one day and racing is the road of expectation. It's a bit like life where ideally there is a set pattern people expect you to follow; boy meets girl, engagement, wedding, baby. But not all lives run to this script and yet still manage a happy ending. A runner is expected to do 5km, 10km, Half Marathon, Marathon all within an allotted time frame following whatever running program is in vogue. But aren't there more ways than one to win a race? Does racing really matter? Back to my curds and whey.

Why running, reading and writing this blog is important.

Maybe I should have thought this through better, or shared it, before I begun but sometimes it is more interesting to let an intention to develop and bloom on it's own...... Toni Morrison, the author of Beloved said, “If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.” It is from this that the Running with Spirit blog was conceived. I have yet to find a non runner who is chronicling consistenly their running journey from a spiritual perspective and utilizing a vast range of techniques. Occasionally I come across the odd article, post or one off book, but it is never comprehensive enough for me and I am ravenous for more. If anyone does come across one please share and let us know.

I am starting to suspect this lack of information is self awareness. Runners are everywhere and they know they are running, whipping out their pacing, distances and personal best times at any given opportunity. But what they do not know is that their running practise is profound and crosses boundaries into something higher and more purposeful. Actually, some of them are aware but fearful to use spiritual language. A perfect example is of the cult running best seller book, “Born to Run” by Christopher MacDougall's quote:

"I knew aerobic exercise was a powerful antidepressant, but I hadn't realized it could be so profoundly mood stabilizing and—I hate to use the word—meditative"

At least he was aware that running produces a meditative state naturally, but why is that wrong? Why does that have to be something to be fearful of? Isn't this something exciting? Something to explore? I strongly encourage you to read his book. It is so well written, inspiring and descriptive. I would even go as far to say the best book I have read in the past five years, even if I was not interested in running. But he would not need to be as descriptive if he just used the words mindfulness, meditation, spirit, silence, resolution, prayer,  mantras.....

This is why it was so hard for me to find a blog like this to read and why I felt compelled to write it. And why I am so thankful and blessed for your interest and support. We are a small, loyal, passionate and brave bunch scattered all over the world. We are that colourful, cosy, glowing intersection of a Venn diagram. The heart of the spirit and the beat of the run.

Ujjayi Breathing Update.

Quick update for anyone who is also trialling using ujjayi breathing techniques when running. I've noticed that I have been getting more stitches since I started focusing on this breath and be interesting to know if anyone else has similar experiences. I do not know if it is a combination of the bandhas at the same time. Ujjayi breathing generates heat so maybe best to initiate this before I begin the run before my sankalpa, or my running resolve. I now only use ujjayi breathing if I feel I am losing my focus and it is proving effective.

The Merry Christmas Run: Spreading goodwill and cheer on the run.

I purposefully avoid looking any “real runners” in the eye, so scared I am of being exposed as a fraud. Running in the Canadian countryside, this is rarely a problem as mostly it is wildlife I encounter. But now I am in urban Australia and surprisingly scornful stares have been relatively few. Actually runners generally are scarce. This is as a surprise. Where are they all? Surely not using the weather as an excuse. It takes me awhile to find some runners. Originally I was pounding the streets of suburbia, but once I had some wheels and could venture further afield I found some. On the beach, the esplanade that runs alongside the Swan River and in the ample Kings Park bushland. It makes sense with such scenery at your doorsteps you feel obliged to make the most of it. However the running scene is slightly disappointing, compared to the jubilation of down town Halifax in Nova Scotia. Cycling appears to be more popular than running here in Perth, Australia.

By far my favourite meditation is Metta Bhvana and I have been eager to incorporate this into my run, for sometime. If there is a particular friend who I wish I could be there for, and am unable, I try to generate as much love and positive energy as I can muster and visually direct this towards their heart. A form of prayer, but it is more about giving than asking. The most important part is to direct some of this love into loving yourself first. Everything I can give the world is better if I begin from a place of strength and love.

I came across another runner who had a similar idea and called it the “Mother Teresa” run. I have “tweaked” it to suit what I am comfortable with. It is very simple. Every time I approach someone along my running path, I try to make eye contact with them. Acknowledge them in some way; a nod of my head, a wave a “hello”. I then say (in my head!) “May you be well. May you be happy. May you be free to grow old and wise.” I use a lot of visualisation but I really love the theory behind this run but the reality is somewhat different. I cannot overcome shyness in looking the few runners I encounter in the eye. Luckily they seem to be too engrossed in talking into their mobile phones to notice. I start feeling like my children, who when food shopping yell “Merry Christmas” to strangers shopping only to get ignored. This, however, does not impede on their enthusiasm and I am inspired by their determination. Funnily, it is the dogs that seem to respond to my good intentions more than the runners. I like to think they are more sensitive but a multitude of reasons can be read into their response.

Even if there are no plans to run during the festivities, the Merry Christmas Run is not limited to the holiday season. When I finish this type of run I always feel really wonderful. Which has always been the irony behind giving anything that it is the giver that receives the most. I include, you in this too because in your busy life you have taken the time to read my ramblings and often share with me your thoughts on running and everything else between the starting and finishing line. I feel truly blessed and appreciate all your support, kindness, advice and feedback. My hope is that love, peace, faith and joy is in in all your hearts this Christmas. And to be found in all our runs in the New Year.

The Meditation Coach

Back to the onions and how I know they are the secret to turning me into a runner. I was on my first retreat in Scotland and 3 months pregnant with my first, although no-one knew. I was too scared they would kick me out if they did. This wasn't some some champagne drinking, lulu lemon wearing come out with your toenails painted fuchsia retreat. It was Spiritual Bootcamp 101 for beginners comprising of 6 hours of yoga, 4 hours of meditation per day with some in complete silence. Everyone had chores and pulled their weight.

I quickly latched onto the slightly cross eyed, not quite 5 foot tall, elderly Scottish volunteer cook called Margaret who, to this day, remains one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. I was highly suspicious of the food that would be served and had come prepared with a suitcase full of provisions tucked away under my bed. I have had very little tolerance in the past of “fussy” eaters and then karma found me. I had always looked forward to the mystery of pregnancies cravings but all I had were aversions and I for 9 months reincarnated into the pickiest, fussiest most unbelievably awful eater in the world. I could not eat anything that had garlic, salt, pepper, spices, essentially flavour but most of all onions. And my husband couldn't either if he wanted to come within one metre radius of me. Then Margaret gave me my first chore; to finely dice a large bucket of onions.

I do not think I can properly convey how very much I did not want to dice those onions but I thought so highly of Margaret, and wanted her to think so highly of me in return, that I did not want to fail her on my first and deceiving simple task. So I thought I would give this meditation malarky a whirl to this chore and see if it worked. I was on retreat after all. I applied some simple and very rudimentary techniques. I focused on my breath, “cleared my mind”, only concentrating on the task. And lo and behold, I did it! I didn't find excuses or cry (from onions or otherwise) or wretch or complain or quit. This was quite a revelation for me. That bucket of onions had made me invincible. I could do anything.

The truth is that it took three more years of practise before I really “got” meditation. But the seeds were sown that day. Previously any spiritual exposure I had involved a lot of praying which to me means talking / asking. Like my number one prayer my friend taught me “Hail Mary full of grace show me a parking space.” Meditation is teaching me to shut up and listen. And run.

Death Run: Part I

I finalised my will today. Not a very cheery subject I know but very practical now I have become a runner. I decided to take the opportunity to run home from the lawyers house since it is exactly 5km from home and my husband escorted the will by car. A bit of a death wish running holding your will really. Imagine if I did get hit by a car or had a heart attack and they found me in the ditch holding my will. Everyone would be extremely impressed by my practicality and organisational skills for sure and would talk about this rather than my crap running. Because that is what you do when people die, you leave out the bad bits. Which is a shame I think as those are usually the most interesting parts. But I digress....

In Buddhist traditions it is very important to meditate on death. They are not morbid, it is just the most effective way of quickly putting life in perspective. There are various ways to go about it. I highly recommend “The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying” it is a rollicking good read and very thought provoking. I usually drag it out once a year. One meditation I have always been fascinated by is you go to a cemetery at midnight, by yourself and meditate. If that sounds scary than imagine doing it in India where you could smell the burning bodies, see the bones poking about and hear animals creeping in for a midnight snack.

However this is tame compared to the Marathon Monks. Having a lazy day? Lacking motivation? I highly recommend watching this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S06oMxdt40A Totally riveting. They run themselves physically to the point of death and then meditate. Some actually die. Simplified, I think the point is to confront your own death in meditation so that when your time is up you do not waste all your energy freaking out and miss the momentous event. It feels like I am dying sometimes when I do run so to me this is a logical connection.

I am psyching myself up to do a death run. I have always liked the idea of running in the woods. Which is handy since I live in the Nova Scotian wilderness. The problem is that packs of coyotes and bears like living there too and I swear there is a wildcat or puma lurking around. Even thinking about it while I ran on the safety of the Gulf Shore Road gave me the willies and I was so preoccupied thinking about death that I ran my first 5km the whole way. I strongly suspect that once I summon the courage to do the Death Run that it will be my fastest. If I survive to tell the tale.

“Live each day as if it were your life.” One of the Marathon Monks said that and it really inspired me. I have to run each run as if it was my last. Because it very well could be.