To Race or Not to Race? THAT is the question.....

My Australian confinement is coming to an end this week and the back of my left knee is an unusual souvenir; a white tailed spider bite. Well, technically Incey Wincey bit me four times. I think it is karma for when I lived in the UK and secretly laughed at the people who couldn't hack visiting Australia because of all the “dangerous” animals. I lived, for the most part, in Australia for 17 years without a deadly spider, snake, jellyfish or shark incident. Ironically as a “tourist” I get the experience. The spider bite itself is not too bad, just like a particularly bad bee or wasp sting. But my left knee has become incredibly stiff and sore, at the worst extending to my hip joint. Evidently my running has come to a stand still.

I have taken this opportunity to reflect and re-evaluate. December I ran every day. January I did an hour and half of yoga everyday. February I did whatever I felt like until I became little Miss Muffet. One of the obstacles I am struggling with is my sense of achievement as a runner has different criteria to the status quo. Quite often I get asked, “How far did you run? How fast? It is how a runner asks “How are you?” At first I was embarrassed because I guess a “runner” would be able to answer these question. Now I just find it extremely irritating, because the people who are genuinely interested in my running journey know nothing is more demotivating to me than a discussion about speed, distance and pace.

There is a reason to my madness at why I have shunned the usual running paraphernalia. Quite early on I observed that people who run with this intention get all the gear (don't forget the fancy watch!) spend a good chunk of time fine tuning their ipod running play list, bore us all with updating their Facebook status with their running distances and times and then before you know it justify to everyone else why they are “too busy to run” The runner's equivalent to what Buddhists refer to as the “monkey mind”. The “real” runners who inspire me barely ever mention their running stats. Occasionally as they are gearing up to an important race they start following a training program but for the vast majority of their runs they simply run.

Simply running is not easy for a non runner. Instead of training sessions I think of my run as a gift to myself and to those I love. Instead of pace, I clearly state my sankalpha (intention) for the run. Rather than speed I focus on the state of my mind; how I feel before and after my run. I meditate on any changes that occurred while concentrating on my breath or grooving with a mantra. I aim to always finish my running practise with gratitude for whatever is important to me at the time. More relevant running statistics to me but the problem is they are not quantifiable, therefore mostly uninteresting to anyone other than myself. How does this attitude transfer into a racing environment?

In some ways I think I should race. I have this lofty idea of running a marathon one day and racing is the road of expectation. It's a bit like life where ideally there is a set pattern people expect you to follow; boy meets girl, engagement, wedding, baby. But not all lives run to this script and yet still manage a happy ending. A runner is expected to do 5km, 10km, Half Marathon, Marathon all within an allotted time frame following whatever running program is in vogue. But aren't there more ways than one to win a race? Does racing really matter? Back to my curds and whey.

Sankalpa: A New Year's Resolution Run

I have been using sankalpa's for awhile and have found them to be immensely powerful and beneficial. Sankalpa's are frequently used before yoga practises, yoga nidras and meditations but I have been using a sankalpa before every run since the very beginning. I have been trying to differentiate between goals and sankalpas. The only way I can explain it is that sankalpas work energetically, which makes it hard to pin down into a succinct scientific explanation. I would much rather someone experience a sankalpa than explain it to them!

Looking online for an “official” definition of sankalpas has proven difficult. One site says says sankalpas are “a controlled, self willed thought, conception or intention,” but this definition seems hollow and rather aggressive, conflicting with my personal experience of sankalpas. Most simply put sankalpa means “resolve”. Which makes them perfect for New Year's Resolutions.

Having been on the move travelling a lot, it has been especially hard to keep up my daily runs for the Marcothon (this will be a future post). My body is craving to stay in one place and be still. Rather than meditating at the end of my run I have begun meditating at the beginning to help ground and centre me. At this stage I will often assume a mudra and mentally say my sankalpa. Sometimes it is the same one, or perhaps I need to focus on something in particular. But I always have one.

Sankalpas are very personal so I have never come across any steadfast “rules” when using them. But from my own practise I can share a few suggestions. Firstly, make sure that you are ready for your sankalpa to happen. Timing is indeed everything and this rings especially true for sankalpas. I few times my sankalpas have “resolved” when I was not ready and feel now it was a wasted opportunity. The old saying “be careful what you wish for” applies particularly here. I also do not choose to use them for mundane daily annoyances. I keep meditating to suss them out in my head. Sankalpas to me are sacred. I keep them short, positive and in the present tense. Say it as if whatever you wish to resolve is already resolving. This is the power of a sankalpa, by putting it out to the universe it has already begun. Happy Sankalpas!