Time

“So what was your time?” is probably the number one question other runners ask. It is also the question I am least interested in. I won't deny there is a natural curiosity but it pricks the ears of my ego and makes me feel like I am running backwards rather than jogging forwards.

Yet time can be a useful, important and powerful indicator. It is also very effective at putting life in perspective. Anyone who really knows me, knows I want it all. Preferably yesterday before I even knew I wanted it. Meditation and living mindfully makes me just about bearable to live with. When I first started meditating I was on my second retreat where they taught two meditation techniques; mindfulness of breathing and the metta bhvana (loving-kindness). Our meditation teacher, Saty, only came down from his meditation hut on the mountain twice a year to teach. An eager participant asked him how long Saty had spent on these two types of meditation before he felt he could “move on.” Saty took a few minutes of silence to really consider this answer and then solemnly answered, “3 years.” Right there, at that moment, went my plans of conquering meditation on a one week retreat. And here I am 5 years later still practising, but now with the knowledge that it took one man 3 solid years sitting on a mountain.

Time frames give a path, like stepping stones, guiding me in the right direction. But some moments in life time itself struggles to time; like how long it takes to fall in love, discover enlightenment or find the car keys when your 19 month old has set the car alarm off? My guess is that the most important journeys in life time can not define.

This is why I take issue with these “Run 5km in 5 week” programs. To me, it is like the fast food version of running. Which I guess makes whatever it is I am doing the slow food option. Running with spirit certainly isn't the fastest way to become a runner. It took me 9 months to run 5kms. And some days I do not even run that, but it is still a better achievement than me just thinking about doing it. Or doing it for 5 weeks and then never again.

I've come across some running time frames that do inspire me. I stumbled across this idea of “building your base” in running when I was reading “Running with the Mind of Meditation”. The Osteopath Peter Goodman was quoted saying: “...bones are not stagnant; they are constantly changing and developing. Because they have blood vessels running throughout, through the pressure of running, they become harder and more resilient. Likewise, the tendons become conditioned and tough, and the muscles become stronger.” It continues to say that “building your base” takes two years. For me, this an achievable time frame.

And despite the belief that healthier, fitter able bodies only exist in their twenties the most successful professional long distance runners are in their late thirties and early forties. In a fascinating article "You're Only as Old as You Run" , which I recommend reading in The New York Times, it states: “ People over 40 now comprise 46 percent of (marathon) finishers.” So there is time for me yet. Because I'm defiantly in this for the long run. And time is on my side.

Retreat

It is that time of year when I have a one week break from my life. I'm just me; not an active duty mother, wife, sister or daughter. But it is not a holiday. I guess the best word would be “retreat.” Over the past five years I have done yoga and meditation retreats usually involving elements of travel. Whatever I feel will replenish me enough to go home and enable me to have the energy, imagination and enthusiasm to live a life I can love for myself and family.

Except this time it is different. This time at the airport I bought a running magazine. The cover says “Run 5km faster” and has an extract from Scott Jurek's new book “Eat and Run” (excitement!). Really, how can I not buy it? It's like the running magazine tailored made it for me; a proud initiation. An articles talks about the challenges runners face when they start tapering. With all the training and momentum generated it can be very difficult to slow down. Rest. This is the only way to ensure that the body is in peak condition before a big race. I cannot help but see the sense in the similarities between this approach to what I am doing now. Taking a break from life to ensure that I can live my life in peak performance.

Part of my break has been staying at the Cancer Lodge in Toronto with my Great Uncle while he receives treatment. The other part was visiting my best friend in the rather glamorous Los Angeles. The contrast is stark, grim and humbling. While I over the past five years have been gallivanting on one week retreats improving the quality of life, my Uncle has spent the past five years travelling every three to six weeks to Toronto so that he can live. He confided in me saying, “I never thought it would be me having this.” When I asked him what he thought would happen his response was, “Nothing”. Which is what we all think. Till it happens to us.

Once my eyes adjust to the institutionalised aesthetic I can't help but see things from a different perspective. Hundreds of patients wait to have their blood work taken. And that is just one hour of one day. Uncle David is only one of 21 patients his Doctor sees daily. I was mentally prepared for the personal connection but the sheer numbers and volume are confronting. Yet I laugh more in the past few days than I had the whole of last year. In my daily life I encounter people who complain more about a lot less. Me included.

I feel an immense responsibility now towards my running, which was previously lacking. It doesn't feel like such a solitary journey anymore and I comprehend the link between running and charity fundraising for events such as Relay for Life. I run for those who wish they could and can't. For those who should and don't. Christopher Reeve said “It saddens me to see people who have the ability to move, wasting that gift.”

I dedicate this post to Leonie Meier, who is holding her son Rudi's hand as she enters the final stages of cancer. Love.