To Race or Not to Race? THAT is the question.....

My Australian confinement is coming to an end this week and the back of my left knee is an unusual souvenir; a white tailed spider bite. Well, technically Incey Wincey bit me four times. I think it is karma for when I lived in the UK and secretly laughed at the people who couldn't hack visiting Australia because of all the “dangerous” animals. I lived, for the most part, in Australia for 17 years without a deadly spider, snake, jellyfish or shark incident. Ironically as a “tourist” I get the experience. The spider bite itself is not too bad, just like a particularly bad bee or wasp sting. But my left knee has become incredibly stiff and sore, at the worst extending to my hip joint. Evidently my running has come to a stand still.

I have taken this opportunity to reflect and re-evaluate. December I ran every day. January I did an hour and half of yoga everyday. February I did whatever I felt like until I became little Miss Muffet. One of the obstacles I am struggling with is my sense of achievement as a runner has different criteria to the status quo. Quite often I get asked, “How far did you run? How fast? It is how a runner asks “How are you?” At first I was embarrassed because I guess a “runner” would be able to answer these question. Now I just find it extremely irritating, because the people who are genuinely interested in my running journey know nothing is more demotivating to me than a discussion about speed, distance and pace.

There is a reason to my madness at why I have shunned the usual running paraphernalia. Quite early on I observed that people who run with this intention get all the gear (don't forget the fancy watch!) spend a good chunk of time fine tuning their ipod running play list, bore us all with updating their Facebook status with their running distances and times and then before you know it justify to everyone else why they are “too busy to run” The runner's equivalent to what Buddhists refer to as the “monkey mind”. The “real” runners who inspire me barely ever mention their running stats. Occasionally as they are gearing up to an important race they start following a training program but for the vast majority of their runs they simply run.

Simply running is not easy for a non runner. Instead of training sessions I think of my run as a gift to myself and to those I love. Instead of pace, I clearly state my sankalpha (intention) for the run. Rather than speed I focus on the state of my mind; how I feel before and after my run. I meditate on any changes that occurred while concentrating on my breath or grooving with a mantra. I aim to always finish my running practise with gratitude for whatever is important to me at the time. More relevant running statistics to me but the problem is they are not quantifiable, therefore mostly uninteresting to anyone other than myself. How does this attitude transfer into a racing environment?

In some ways I think I should race. I have this lofty idea of running a marathon one day and racing is the road of expectation. It's a bit like life where ideally there is a set pattern people expect you to follow; boy meets girl, engagement, wedding, baby. But not all lives run to this script and yet still manage a happy ending. A runner is expected to do 5km, 10km, Half Marathon, Marathon all within an allotted time frame following whatever running program is in vogue. But aren't there more ways than one to win a race? Does racing really matter? Back to my curds and whey.

Why running, reading and writing this blog is important.

Maybe I should have thought this through better, or shared it, before I begun but sometimes it is more interesting to let an intention to develop and bloom on it's own...... Toni Morrison, the author of Beloved said, “If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.” It is from this that the Running with Spirit blog was conceived. I have yet to find a non runner who is chronicling consistenly their running journey from a spiritual perspective and utilizing a vast range of techniques. Occasionally I come across the odd article, post or one off book, but it is never comprehensive enough for me and I am ravenous for more. If anyone does come across one please share and let us know.

I am starting to suspect this lack of information is self awareness. Runners are everywhere and they know they are running, whipping out their pacing, distances and personal best times at any given opportunity. But what they do not know is that their running practise is profound and crosses boundaries into something higher and more purposeful. Actually, some of them are aware but fearful to use spiritual language. A perfect example is of the cult running best seller book, “Born to Run” by Christopher MacDougall's quote:

"I knew aerobic exercise was a powerful antidepressant, but I hadn't realized it could be so profoundly mood stabilizing and—I hate to use the word—meditative"

At least he was aware that running produces a meditative state naturally, but why is that wrong? Why does that have to be something to be fearful of? Isn't this something exciting? Something to explore? I strongly encourage you to read his book. It is so well written, inspiring and descriptive. I would even go as far to say the best book I have read in the past five years, even if I was not interested in running. But he would not need to be as descriptive if he just used the words mindfulness, meditation, spirit, silence, resolution, prayer,  mantras.....

This is why it was so hard for me to find a blog like this to read and why I felt compelled to write it. And why I am so thankful and blessed for your interest and support. We are a small, loyal, passionate and brave bunch scattered all over the world. We are that colourful, cosy, glowing intersection of a Venn diagram. The heart of the spirit and the beat of the run.

Ujjayi Breathing Update.

Quick update for anyone who is also trialling using ujjayi breathing techniques when running. I've noticed that I have been getting more stitches since I started focusing on this breath and be interesting to know if anyone else has similar experiences. I do not know if it is a combination of the bandhas at the same time. Ujjayi breathing generates heat so maybe best to initiate this before I begin the run before my sankalpa, or my running resolve. I now only use ujjayi breathing if I feel I am losing my focus and it is proving effective.

Astangya Run

Every weekday for the past month I have been getting up at 5am for a beginner intensive astanga yoga course. This is the second time I have done a beginner astanga, the first time over 15 years ago. After the disaster which was Marcothon, I really wanted to reconnect with my body and take a bit of a break from running. The podiatrist I saw said that a good runner needs strength and I think Astangya yoga is the best way to get it. I really need to work on my “core” muscles, having had two c-sections and two abdominal surgery my core is non existent, although to be fair it wasn't really anything there to begin with.

Astangya yoga is very different to other types of yoga. It is the difference between a leisurely stroll and a marathon. It is not that it is a “better” type of yoga it just has a different focus. Astanga is about endurance, discipline and dedication. Astangya yoga practitioners focus on tristana which comprise of three elements; breath (ujjayi), gaze point (drishti) and postures (asanas / bandhas). Lately I have been trialling tristana in my runs.

UJJAYI

Simply breath is life. The moment you are born you take your first breath, when you die is your last. Everything else in between is life. My first astangya yoga teacher, Tom, was extremely strict and would be mortified if we breathed through our mouths. “A mouth is for eating and a nose is for breathing – nothing else!” Tom was really hard on everyone but especially himself. But he did make a point. A nose is designed to filter the air, making each breath as pure as possible. The ujjayi breath is a yogic technique that is sometimes referred to ocean breathing because it sounds similar to waves. Try making your breathing as noisy as possible, as if you wanted someone to hear every inhalation and exhalation; constrict your throat and that is ujjayi breathing. It is proven to increase oxygenation. Newborn babies instinctively use the ujjayi breath. When running I try to breathe only through my nose and although I do not use ujjayi breathe the whole run I find it guides my focus and energy back.

DRISHTI

When I started running I actually wrote a post about not knowing where to “look” when I run. Every single astangya yoga has a specific drishti or gaze point, which aids in the focus, concentration and alignment of the posture. The power of the drishti point becomes apparent during balancing poses. Having experimented with a few drishti points (there are nine in total) I have found gazing softly just beyond the tip of my nose the most effective drishti while running. I find my focus is better and I can reach a meditative state quicker, and find my way back to that state more easily if distracted when I use this drishti.

BANDHA

A direct translation of a bandha is “lock”. Utilizing bandhas means you are optimizing the energy flow in your body while regulating your heart rate and building core strength. B.K.S. Iyenger in Light on Pranayama says, “an electric motor burns out if its voltage is allowed to rise too high. When electricity is generated, it is necessary to have transformers, conductors, fuses, switches and insulated wires to carry the power to its destination; otherwise the current would be lethal.” There are three bandhas; mula bandha, uddiyana bandha and jalandhara bandha. I have tried running with combinations of them and have found mula and uddiyana bandha the best combination. I think jalandhara bandha is more effective in passive poses. If you have ever had to stop peeing midstream and hold it, you are essentially engaging your mula bandha. Although if you were doing it more consciously you would squeeze all the surrounding muscles around your bottom too. Uddiyana bandha is when you attempt to get your belly button to touch your spine. I find it extremely challenging to run and engage my bandhas at the same time but I do feel it makes a difference. I feel lighter and stronger. I can run further effortlessly.

I feel using tristana in my running has been immensely beneficial and I am eager to incorporate more. Please share your experiences with any of the tristana elements while running or if there are any other techniques that you use. When all three elements of tristana come together they same your body becomes a temple.

Advice Part II: Advice worth running for.

All this Olympic paraphernalia I am looking at is confirming that I have absolutely no right to be sitting here in this running room shrine. Upon further reflection on my last post it occurred to me that the best advice is from someone unbiased, with no agenda and expertise. And unless you are extremely fortunate, it is usually the sort you have to pay for. In a very convoluted way my severe case of sinusitis back in November led me to secure an appointment with the Australian Running Olympic Team podiatrist.

We started off by talking about why I was there. I explained when I started “running” back in August I noticed a pins and needles sensation in the middle of the ball of my right foot. I thought since I was running in a pair of shoes that were more than ten years old, that maybe it was easy fixed. Luckily I had a very knowledgeable shoes salesman that pointed out what I was describing sounded like Morton's Neuroma and that I should defiantly get it checked out. I tell him all this but do not reveal my ulterior motive is to find out how a podiatrist becomes an advocate for barefoot running and to ask his opinion of whether this is a route I should start running.

He did some basic tests. Placed my foot as far back from the wall with my knee bent still able to touch the wall and measured the distance. Checked my balance by getting me to stand on one foot, eyes open and shut. I laid down and he tried to find the location of the problem. He drew a line in the middle of the back of my heel then he put me on the treadmill first walking and then running. We studied the video. I think the results surprised us both. I have about as close to perfect natural form as you can get which puts me in good position to start barefoot running twice a week.

The official diagnosis is a bursitis which has the potential to develop into a neuroma. The podiatrist said that a good runner comes down to three things: strength, speed and experience. Of which I have none. My treatment involves working on my balance. This helps strengthen the hundreds of small muscles in the foot. Using ice on the foot. Massaging the ball of the foot. Doing three sets of ten reps of calf raises. Re-lacing my shoes so that the first two holes are empty. Which sounds like a fairly simple solution that I should be suspicious. But my only other brief encounter with a podiatrist was after I had my third baby and was diagnosed with crippling plantar fascitis. Which was simply solved by pointing and flexing my feet before I getting out of bed.

As he was strapping my foot I spied, his 2007 New York Marathon Shirt framed on his wall and shared my hope of one day running a marathon. “You will.” He said this matter of factly. I felt absolved of any feelings of self doubt and reborn as a runner. Pretty good value for AUD $100.

Advice Part I: When to run with it and when to run away from it.

I must look like a person that needs advice, because recently I have been given tons of it. Actually I am running away from all the advice I never asked for; the marital advice from the three-time-divorcee, the parenting advice from people that have never had experience looking after kids, and especially the running advice from people who have never attempted to run. Yep, it must be the New Year when all the new resolutions bring out the advice givers out from the comfort of their hypocritical, bigoted comfort zones. The all time pet peeve is what I call retroactive advice: giving you a blow by blow account how exactly they would have done it, and therefore how you should have done it. Which would have been useful. Had they given you the advice beforehand.

All this misguided advice makes me really angry which is lucky. I run better when I am in angry. This works in my favour for a few runs but accumlative anger is exhausting. The Marcothon pretty much robbed me of any lingering sense of joy around my running accomplishments and so I direct the anger inwards towards myself. I went against my instincts that doing the Marcothon was not a good idea and instead was swept away in a culture that says quitters are wimps. Now I have to pay that price. None of my usual tricks meditation, mudras and mantras are working their magic. Most days I run I really feel like I am running backwards or not at all. People walk faster than I run at the moment. My heart is not in it. In a desperate attempt to keep going I resort to running to music on my husbands phone. It completely disorientated me and made me nauseous. His taste in music is really that bad.

I take encouragement that I am still motivated to go for a run. It is when I am actually running I find the motivation has left me behind and I wonder what I am running for? Sometimes I get the eery feeling that runs mirror where I am in life. I think it is time to get back on the meditation rock. I am going to do an intensive ashtanga yoga course and drop back to only 3 runs a week. If I get my head in the right place the runs usually follow.

The best advice I have ever been given has been from myself. It may have not originated from within me but often the source is so clever that it slowly plants a seed somewhere in me so that when the time is ripe it can grow, and perhaps run, with me.

“It’s a skill to know how to give advice. However it is ALSO a skill to take advice. I believe this skill to know how to take (good) advice is a key differential between those that cross that finish line, and those that don’t.” - Nilofer Merchant on August 23, 2011in Entrepreneurship

Marcothon: A reflection on running 5km everyday in December 2011.

The most important lesson I learned completing the Marcothon is to never, ever do it again. Sometimes while on a run I imagine Marco, the created of the Marcothon.* Maybe it's because I am currently in Australia but when I summon Marco, he is always in the pub, a cold pint in his hand. His shirt is covered in splotches of sweat and he leans forward over a slight beer gut (that his wife has convinced him is cuddly) to say,

“Oi mate....” here he pauses, almost philosophically, as he watches some beer slop onto the toes of his thongs. “Maaaaate, I was just thinkin'...we should just bloody well run everyday in December” Taking a big swig of beer he waits to gauge everyone’s reaction, which is a bit lacklustre.

“What? Like even Christmas Day,” some pub goer pipes up.

“Bloody oath Christmas Day!” Marco would reply, slamming down his empty pint, “I said everyday in December didn't I!”

“Struth Marco that's a bit hardcore!” And the more they drink, the more details get hashed out. It's a bit like when I used to work in London and some male manager would implement an idea that was doomed to be an epic failure and my colleague would turn to me, rolling her eyes sighing, “Designed by a man.”

Then an idiot like me thinks it is a good idea. And the part that I am very apologetic about is that I told other people about it, without first trialling it myself. I am sorry. I partially blame all the running endorphins. Maybe the problem isn't actually the Marcothon but rather I wasn't a very good runner to begin with. In November I was really happy if I managed to run 5km once a week and now in December I was expecting myself to run that everyday. Often in the heat of an Australian summer which my body was not acclimatised for having lived in Scotland for five years. Mid month the inevitable happens and I have crippling shin splints and my ankles start rolling unexpectedly. I make an executive decision to take two days off. Those two days off not running seriously felt like two months.

Failing is a slippery slope. At this point it would have been easy to call it quits but it did not cross my mind, but it did take the pressure off knowing I can just pick up where I left off. I know I did not run 5 km everyday. Somedays I ran more, most days I ran less. But despite those two days I ran everyday. Even Christmas Day which was my favourite run by far. Being a Marcothon Finisher I believe has actually made me a worse runner, but it did give me a stronger moral fibre. Like I said the most important lesson I learned completing the Marcothon is to never, ever do it again. Until next December. Who knows what runner I will be by then?

*I would like to clarify I have never met Marco. I assume he lives in Scotland and is Scottish therefore would have an amazingly tolerant sense of humour.

Sankalpa: A New Year's Resolution Run

I have been using sankalpa's for awhile and have found them to be immensely powerful and beneficial. Sankalpa's are frequently used before yoga practises, yoga nidras and meditations but I have been using a sankalpa before every run since the very beginning. I have been trying to differentiate between goals and sankalpas. The only way I can explain it is that sankalpas work energetically, which makes it hard to pin down into a succinct scientific explanation. I would much rather someone experience a sankalpa than explain it to them!

Looking online for an “official” definition of sankalpas has proven difficult. One site says says sankalpas are “a controlled, self willed thought, conception or intention,” but this definition seems hollow and rather aggressive, conflicting with my personal experience of sankalpas. Most simply put sankalpa means “resolve”. Which makes them perfect for New Year's Resolutions.

Having been on the move travelling a lot, it has been especially hard to keep up my daily runs for the Marcothon (this will be a future post). My body is craving to stay in one place and be still. Rather than meditating at the end of my run I have begun meditating at the beginning to help ground and centre me. At this stage I will often assume a mudra and mentally say my sankalpa. Sometimes it is the same one, or perhaps I need to focus on something in particular. But I always have one.

Sankalpas are very personal so I have never come across any steadfast “rules” when using them. But from my own practise I can share a few suggestions. Firstly, make sure that you are ready for your sankalpa to happen. Timing is indeed everything and this rings especially true for sankalpas. I few times my sankalpas have “resolved” when I was not ready and feel now it was a wasted opportunity. The old saying “be careful what you wish for” applies particularly here. I also do not choose to use them for mundane daily annoyances. I keep meditating to suss them out in my head. Sankalpas to me are sacred. I keep them short, positive and in the present tense. Say it as if whatever you wish to resolve is already resolving. This is the power of a sankalpa, by putting it out to the universe it has already begun. Happy Sankalpas!