Retreat

It is that time of year when I have a one week break from my life. I'm just me; not an active duty mother, wife, sister or daughter. But it is not a holiday. I guess the best word would be “retreat.” Over the past five years I have done yoga and meditation retreats usually involving elements of travel. Whatever I feel will replenish me enough to go home and enable me to have the energy, imagination and enthusiasm to live a life I can love for myself and family.

Except this time it is different. This time at the airport I bought a running magazine. The cover says “Run 5km faster” and has an extract from Scott Jurek's new book “Eat and Run” (excitement!). Really, how can I not buy it? It's like the running magazine tailored made it for me; a proud initiation. An articles talks about the challenges runners face when they start tapering. With all the training and momentum generated it can be very difficult to slow down. Rest. This is the only way to ensure that the body is in peak condition before a big race. I cannot help but see the sense in the similarities between this approach to what I am doing now. Taking a break from life to ensure that I can live my life in peak performance.

Part of my break has been staying at the Cancer Lodge in Toronto with my Great Uncle while he receives treatment. The other part was visiting my best friend in the rather glamorous Los Angeles. The contrast is stark, grim and humbling. While I over the past five years have been gallivanting on one week retreats improving the quality of life, my Uncle has spent the past five years travelling every three to six weeks to Toronto so that he can live. He confided in me saying, “I never thought it would be me having this.” When I asked him what he thought would happen his response was, “Nothing”. Which is what we all think. Till it happens to us.

Once my eyes adjust to the institutionalised aesthetic I can't help but see things from a different perspective. Hundreds of patients wait to have their blood work taken. And that is just one hour of one day. Uncle David is only one of 21 patients his Doctor sees daily. I was mentally prepared for the personal connection but the sheer numbers and volume are confronting. Yet I laugh more in the past few days than I had the whole of last year. In my daily life I encounter people who complain more about a lot less. Me included.

I feel an immense responsibility now towards my running, which was previously lacking. It doesn't feel like such a solitary journey anymore and I comprehend the link between running and charity fundraising for events such as Relay for Life. I run for those who wish they could and can't. For those who should and don't. Christopher Reeve said “It saddens me to see people who have the ability to move, wasting that gift.”

I dedicate this post to Leonie Meier, who is holding her son Rudi's hand as she enters the final stages of cancer. Love.